How To Create A Fantastic To Do Not List

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Have you ever wondered if creating a to do not list might actually be more transformative than your regular to-do list?

I was sitting on the bus home from work a few months ago. Rain streaming down the windows, school bag heavy on my lap, marking still calling my name from inside it. My mind was doing that familiar dance it does most evenings – spinning through tomorrow’s tasks, next week’s deadlines, and that ever-growing mental list of things I should be doing.

Sound familiar, friend?

I’d scribbled another to-do list that morning. You know the type that’s ambitious, well-intentioned, slightly overwhelming. By evening, I’d ticked off maybe three things out of twelve. The rest stared back at me like gentle accusations of my apparent lack of productivity.

That’s when something shifted. What if, instead of focusing on what I needed to do more of, I considered what I needed to do less of? What would it look like to create a do not do list for work, church, and everyday life? Could this simple shift actually transform the way I organise my life?

Honestly? I was pretty surprised in a good way that it did.

I’d heard whispers about what to do and what not to do lists years ago. Thought it was a bit of a joke, to be honest. But consider me a convert. Sometimes the most intentional thing we can do is decide what we’re not going to do.

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Why Your Soul Craves a Not To Do List

Here’s what I’ve discovered in my own real life journey. We’re called to be good stewards of our time, yes. But somewhere along the way, we’ve confused being busy with being faithful. We’ve started believing that saying yes to everything is somehow more Jesus-centred than creating healthy boundaries.

Scripture reminds us that even Jesus withdrew from crowds. Even He said no to good things to say yes to God things. If our Saviour needed boundaries, how much more do we?

A to don’t list is

n’t about laziness or lack of ambition. It’s about intentional living. It’s about creating space for what matters most. It’s about remembering that our worth isn’t tied to our productivity, but rooted in His love for us.

“Sometimes the most intentional thing we can do is decide what we’re not going to do.”

5 Simple Ways to Create Your Dont Do List

Start With Your Energy Drains (Not Your Time Drains):

Most advice tells you to track where your time goes. But here’s what I’ve learned: time isn’t always the real issue. Energy is.

Your don’t do list should begin with the things that leave you feeling depleted rather than fulfilled. These aren’t always the obvious time-wasters. Sometimes they’re good things that simply aren’t your things.

For me, this meant saying no to organising every church event I was asked to help with. Don’t get me wrong. Serving is important. But I realised I was saying yes out of guilt rather than calling.

My energy was better spent investing in the few areas where I could truly serve from my gifts rather than spread myself thin everywhere.

Try this: Write down three activities from last week that left you feeling drained rather than energised. These are prime candidates for your not to do list.

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the difference between divine assignments and people-pleasing agreements. There’s such peace in that clarity.

Identify Your ‘Good But Not Great’ Habits:

This one’s tricky because it requires honest self-reflection. We’re not talking about obviously bad habits here. We’re talking about the things you do that are fine, but not fantastic for your specific season of life.

Maybe it’s scrolling through home organisation accounts on Instagram when you could be reading Scripture. Maybe it’s saying yes to every social invitation when you actually crave quiet evenings at home with your husband. Maybe it’s taking on extra responsibilities at work when your plate is already full.

I had to put “checking teaching resources websites for hours” on my dont do list. It felt productive, but really it was procrastination dressed up as preparation. Those hours were better spent planning lessons with intention rather than endlessly browsing “just in case” resources.

Remember: Good stewardship sometimes means saying no to good things so you can say yes to great things.

“Good stewardship sometimes means saying no to good things so you can say yes to great things.”

Create Boundaries Around Your Non-Negotiables:

Your not to do list should protect your most important yeses. Think about what you’re absolutely called to prioritise, i.e. your relationship with Jesus, your marriage, your health, your core responsibilities.

Now work backwards. What threatens these priorities? What creeps in and crowds them out?

For me, this meant adding “no work emails after 7 PM” to my to not do list. It wasn’t realistic to never think about school after hours, but I could create a boundary around when I’d actively engage with it. This protected my evening time with my husband and my wind-down routine.

It also meant “no saying yes to commitments without praying first.” Sounds obvious, but how often do we agree to things in the moment without checking with the Holy Spirit first?

Small step: Choose one non-negotiable priority and identify what most often interrupts it. Add that interruption to your do not do list.

Address Your People-Pleasing Patterns:

Oh, this one hits close to home. As Christian women, we’re often taught that selflessness means never saying no. But there’s a difference between Christ-like service and people-pleasing anxiety.

Your don’t do list needs to include specific situations where you tend to say yes when you mean no. This isn’t about becoming selfish. It’s about being honest about your capacity and calling.

Maybe it’s “don’t agree to bake for every church event.” Maybe it’s “don’t feel obligated to solve everyone’s problems via text message.” Maybe it’s “don’t say yes immediately to requests. Always ask for time to pray about it.“

I had to add “don’t offer to help with additional tasks when someone mentions they’re struggling” to my list. My heart wanted to jump in and fix everything, but I realised this wasn’t always helpful for them or sustainable for me.

Grace reminder: Saying no to one request often means you can say a more wholehearted yes to something else. Your no is not selfish. It’s stewardship.

“Your no is not selfish. It’s stewardship.”

Design Your Rest Without Guilt:

This might be the most important one. Your to don’t list absolutely must include things that interfere with proper rest. Not just sleep (though that matters too), but true soul rest.

What robs you of peace? What keeps your mind spinning when it should be settling? What makes you feel guilty for resting when God Himself rested on the seventh day?

Add these peace-stealers to your not to do list.

For me, this meant “don’t do housework on Sunday afternoons.” I’m not naturally a tidy person, and Sunday afternoons were becoming anxiety-inducing catch-up sessions. Now that time is protected for reading, gentle walks, or simply being still.

It also meant “don’t consume stressful news or social media before bed.” My mind needed space to wind down, not wind up.

Truth to remember: Rest isn’t earned through productivity. Rest is a gift from God and a form of worship. Protecting it isn’t selfish – it’s sacred.

Living Your Do Not Do List with Grace

Here’s what I wish someone had told me when I first started creating my don’t do list. You won’t be perfect at it. Some days you’ll still say yes when you mean no. Some weeks you’ll slip back into old patterns.

That’s okay. Grace covers our imperfect attempts at intentional living too.

The goal isn’t flawless execution. The goal is gentle, consistent progress toward a life that reflects your values and calling rather than everyone else’s expectations.

Your what not to do list isn’t set in stone. It can evolve with your seasons. What serves you now might not serve you next year, and that’s perfectly fine.

Small Steps Toward Big Changes

Start with just one or two items on your do not do list. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to transform everything at once. Remember, we’re aiming for sustainable change, not dramatic overhauls.

Write your chosen items down somewhere you’ll see them regularly. I keep mine in my journal where I do my morning quiet time. Seeing them daily helps me stay intentional about my choices.

Most importantly, invite the Holy Spirit into this process. Ask Him to show you what deserves your yes and what deserves your no. His wisdom is so much better than our best-laid plans.

Your Turn, Beautiful Friend

As you consider creating your own to don’t list, remember that this isn’t about becoming a different person overnight. It’s about becoming more of who God created you to be by removing what doesn’t serve that calling.

What would change in your life if you were as intentional about your nos as you are about your yeses? What would you gain by choosing to do less, but do it with more presence and peace?

I’d love to hear what makes it onto your not to do list. Sometimes sharing our gentle boundaries helps other women give themselves permission to create their own.

What’s one thing you’d like to stop doing so you can say a bigger yes to what matters most?

Remember, sweet friend – you’re not called to do everything. You’re called to do your everything with love.

With love,